"I was fourth in the school when I started to reduce the amount of food ingested. Very quickly, instinctively, I devour then I'm sick. Quickly settle again a ritual: I come home from college, I am alone, then I'm eats vomit. I erase all the traces, I brush my teeth, I clean the bathroom, I wash my hands, then I fly, I'm good. Then gradually bulimia takes over. I have the illusion of control everything, my weight, my image, my relationships with others, my education, everything. However, I realize that what I do is related to deeper suffering. I am invisible, suffering is invisible, I control.
Growing up my perfect ritual, it takes more space. It brings me more happiness, it is no longer a way to control my weight and my image, it's a drug. My secret drug.
Unlike many girls where bulimia is a passage in adolescence, a report mirror to society or to the mother, for me eating disorder was the first symptom of a malaise first diagnosed as schizophrenia and manic-depressive psychosis with borderline features. I spend a lot of time in psychiatry. I am bulimic emetic causing five intramuscular injections to prevent me from vomiting. I rejoice when I find the evening peas lunch in my sheaf which disappears into the vortex of the toilet water.
Back in the "real" life I keep times emetic episodes of bulimia which causes weight fluctuations of 20 years to 36 years 50 to 93 pounds. I get drugs for the treatment of my psychiatric illness does not help me to calm my eating disorder.
Today, I think I feel that my relationship with food is pacified. I have another way to express myself, I eat anything else, but like many ex bulimic I feel the need to witness to those who are still, for those who believe, for relatives who not understand and for me too. '
From the testimony of Baya.